This question has been on my mind for some time.
Slut, one who sluts, or a woman who sleeps with many men is considered socially as a horrible thing to be called. Contrastingly (and as a man I believe conveniently) a man who sleeps with many women is considered with much celebration and admiration.
Of course both classifications can be favoured and disfavoured by different people, it is to my perception, a male version of a slut is generally admired, striven for and at the very worst, tolerated. Whereas, a female version of a stud is downcast, disliked, spat at and used as a term of insult whilst at the very best, pitied.
Why is this? My logic would dictate that they are essentially the same thing and should be given equal social standing. I think it is reasonable to suggest that all people like consensual sex, so why should a girl who gets more of what she enjoys be an unappealing person to be?
I addressed this question to my father when I was 17 and he answered me quickly as though he had been asked the question recently.
“It is because men ask, and women choose whether to say yes or no.”
This seemed to satisfy me until years later when I decided to think further on to the matter. Perhaps it satisfies you and in that case I suggest you leave, but if you are interested in further thoughts, please read on.
How Do We Value Things?
I open this question because it is clear to me that we seem to value sluts lower than studs, even though as previously stated they are the same with gender reversed.
How do we value things? How do we value a Ferrari sports car higher than my beaten up Vauxhall (Opel) Corsa? We value the cars in whatever currency we buy it in, but any economist will tell you, a currency is only a store of value. In that it stores the value employed in order to acquire it. Essentially a £20 000 sports car is only worth £20 000 worth of hours worked times by a factor based on the supply and demand of that labour and the time and money invested in order to acquire the skills to work the wage.
(ie. the hourly rate of a shelf stacker is lower than a doctor because a doctor is lower in supply and costs more to become one.)
To simplify this meaning, we value things based on the amount of time we had to work to earn them.
Applying this to our attractiveness study it implies that a slut is valued less than a stud because it requires less effort to sleep with a slut than a stud.
I think we have a flaw here because I imagine given half a chance, a man will sleep with most things in a heart beat. In so much that is it not necessarily more difficult to get a stud in the sack than a slut.
Male Perception of Value
Let’s go back to my Dad’s statement and treat is as an axiom: “It is because men ask, and women choose whether to say yes or no.”
Based on this, let us assume that if given the permission, a man will always sleep with someone which he asks. The decision making is placed on the woman to choose whether the man is worthy. Since the man asks, it is taken as given that he will sleep with the woman if she agrees. So how does a man value a woman? And does this draw connections on to how other women see each other and value themselves?
So we value a car based on:
- How many hours we put in to acquire the funds to pay for it.
- The skills needed to earn the funds.
Since we are not talking about prostitution, we do not value women in monetary terms, but we can value them on similar things to the above:
- Time employed to attract the woman.
- The skills/appearance required to impress her.
When a woman gives herself to more men, then it simply values her less than her peers. The more partners she has, the lower value she will be considered with and the more she is likely to be looked down on. Almost like how you might imagine a Bentley looks down on a Fiat Panda.
On the other side of the coin, a man who sleeps with many women can be considered to have more buying power, especially ones who sleep with more and more attractive and unattainable women. This is why a Stud is respected and a Slut is cast asunder.
This also lends some thoughts to why a virgin is considered with such unattainable reverence.
I believe it an absolute shame that society has built us around my Father’s axiom. Without it I believe women would freely be allowed to enjoy sex with many an anonymous partners without fear of stigma or insult. After all, we all like it. Why should we punish someone for expressing that and force those liberated enough to enjoy it to have to hide it and shame it into a corner, even lie?
These are only my thoughts. I think if someone enjoys sex, let it be, but even I admit there is some part of me that respects a slutty woman less and is more impressed by a studly man.
I think there is further discussion to be placed into the gay community.
In the gay community we will be led into a paradox where my Father’s axiom cannot exist. Where both men ask? Who will agree? (Perhaps this is some way of explaining why there is such liberal and happy promiscuity among the male gay community.) More interesting is the lesbian community where noone according to my father would ask, yet both parties would get to choose to agree.
I have limted knowledge about the gay community. It would be enlightening to hear from any of you who know whether there is a stigma on men and women in the gay communities to sleep around, or whether it is very easy going.